The Ultimate “How Do You Make Water Holy” Joke List Explained

As a humorist who has spent a considerable amount of time pondering the absurdities of life, the universe, and everything in between, I’ve found that religious humor walks a fine line between irreverent and clever. It’s a line so fine, I’ve noticed, that it’s often invisible until you’ve tripped over it in front of a cleric. The “how do you make water holy” joke is a perfect example of this delicate dance. Many people stumble when trying to recall this classic punchline or its variations, missing the opportunity for a well-timed laugh. This collection brings together the most effective versions of this joke, complete with explanations of why they work and when to use them.

The Original Classic: “Boil the Hell Out of It”

Q: How do you make water holy?
A: You boil the hell out of it!

This is the quintessential version that started it all. Its effectiveness comes from the perfect wordplay that connects a religious concept with everyday language. “Boil the hell out of it” is a common idiom meaning to boil something intensely, but when applied to holy water, it creates a literal interpretation where boiling removes “hell” (the unholy element) from the water. This creates an unexpected connection between the sacred practice of blessing water and the mundane act of boiling.

Historical Origins and Timeline

The “How do you make water holy?” joke has a documented history spanning nearly two decades:

• 2007: Earliest documented web appearance on personal joke collections

• 2016: Featured in internet forum discussions about “dad jokes”

• 2019-2025: Regular inclusion in “best dad jokes” lists, workplace humor collections, and family magazines

• Language Q&A Threads: Some online communities like HiNative have threads discussing the punchline and its variants 1.

This joke represents classic folk humor that became widely recognized in the early 21st century. It seems to have sprung fully formed into family-friendly chats, much like a god from a myth, only this one was armed with a punchline. Unlike many jokes, no specific comedian or public figure is credited with its creation. Instead, it spread through word of mouth, internet posts, and community-compiled lists, becoming a cultural staple of family-friendly wordplay.

Top 10 “How Do You Make Water Holy” Joke Variations

1. The Classic: “You boil the hell out of it!” – Playing on the idiom of intense boiling while suggesting the removal of “hell” makes water holy.

2. The Literal Answer: “You bless it!” – Subverting expectations by giving the actual religious answer when a joke is expected.

3. The Winter Edition: “You freeze the hell out of it!” – A seasonal variation maintaining the wordplay but changing the temperature direction.

4. The Visual Pun: “You put holes in it until it’s hole-y!” – Using the homophone of “holy” and “holey” for visual comedy.

5. The Absurdist Take: “Get a priest to sneeze in it!” – Creating humor through the ridiculous image of sneezing as a form of blessing.

6. The Location Gag: “Take it to church for Sunday service until it gets the spirit!” – Using the religious setting to transform ordinary water.

7. The Hybrid Method: “Say a prayer while boiling it vigorously” – Combining both religious and physical approaches.

8. The Personification: “Ask it nicely to be more spiritual” – Giving water human-like qualities creates an unexpected twist.

9. The Weapon Wordplay: “Use a holy water gun” – Playing on the religious tool and a childhood toy.

10. The Commercial Cynicism: “Call it blessed and charge triple the price” – A satirical take on the commercialization of religious items.

Adult and Comedy Forum Variations

For more mature audiences, comedy forums feature spicier variations:

• “You boil the sh*t out of it”

• “You beat the hell out of it”

• Various versions with stronger profanity substituted for “hell”

These adult variations maintain the same wordplay structure but increase the intensity for audiences comfortable with stronger language.

Perfect Delivery Techniques

Comedic Timing:

• The pregnant pause. It’s a powerful tool. Pause briefly after asking the question, leaving just enough silence for someone to wonder if you’ve forgotten the punchline yourself.

• Deliver the punchline with a controlled beat.

Tone of Voice:

• Start with a light, playful setup as if genuinely curious.

• Deliver the punchline with slightly exaggerated emphasis on “hell.”

• Use either a mock-serious or deadpan delivery for maximum effect.

Facial Expressions:

• Raise an eyebrow during the pause.

• Add a small smirk when delivering the punchline.

• Maintain eye contact to gauge the audience’s reaction.

Optimal Settings:

• Casual group gatherings

• When sharing “dad jokes” collections

• Ice-breaker situations where light humor is welcome

Religious Figures’ Reactions

When told this joke, priests, pastors, and other religious figures typically respond with good-natured humor. I once tried this on a vicar, who just sighed and said, “If only it were that simple, my son. The paperwork is frightful.”

Common Reactions:

• Humorous groans and mock seriousness

• Appreciative laughter with comments like “That one never gets old.”

• Playing along with a mock ceremony

• Adding their own twist or follow-up puns about “holy” or “blessed” objects

• Comments such as “I’ve heard that one at every youth retreat.”

Social Media Responses:
Popular videos show religious figures smiling and shaking their heads, pretending to be shocked before laughing, or even delivering the punchline themselves with theatrical flair 2.

Religious Water Jokes from Other Traditions

Jewish “Kosher Water” Joke:
A converted Jew, caught eating meat on Friday, tells a priest: “Oh Father, don’t worry about it. I did exactly what you did, I sprinkled water over it, and I said, ‘Turkey, turkey, you’re a fish!'”

Buddhist “Enlightened Water” Joke:
Three monks practice meditation by a lake. Two successfully walk across the water to get forgotten items. The third repeatedly falls in while trying to replicate the feat. Finally, one monk asks the other: “Do you think we should tell him where the stones are?”

These variations demonstrate how the underlying structure of religious paradox works across cultural boundaries.

Modern Viral Versions on Social Media

These jokes have found new life online:

• TikTok challenges: Users film themselves asking the joke, then demonstrate “boiling the hell out” of actual water 3.

• Instagram memes: Image macros showing priests blessing kettles or comparing normal and “holy” water.

• YouTube skits: Comedy channels act out elaborate scenes of exorcising demons from water through boiling 4.

• Language Learning Forums: Learners on platforms like HiNative ask for translations and share the joke in different languages 1.

Videos featuring priests or nuns reacting to the punchline have become particularly popular, with many going viral for their genuine, good-natured responses.

Why These Jokes Work: The Comedy Formula

The success relies on a specific formula combining linguistic tricks with cultural expectations.

When and Where to Use These Jokes

Appropriate Settings:

• Casual gatherings with friends

• Family dinners and reunions

• Comedy nights or joke-sharing sessions

• Ice-breaker situations

Reading the Room:

• Avoid in formal religious settings.

• Skip with audiences who might find religious humor uncomfortable.

• Consider your audience’s familiarity with religious references.

• Use as lighthearted quips rather than during serious faith discussions.

Timing Considerations:

• Works best as spontaneous humor.

• Effective when conversation naturally turns to jokes or wordplay.

• Perfect for “dad joke” moments.

Building Your Own Holy Water Joke Variations

Basic Formula:

1. Keep the setup: Always start with “How do you make water holy?”

2. Choose your mechanism: Select an everyday action (freezing, filtering, mixing).

3. Add religious wordplay: Incorporate terms with both religious and secular meanings.

4. Create the surprise: Connect the mundane action to a sacred result.

Framework: “How do you make water holy? You [verb] the [religious term] [preposition] it!”

Example Creation Process:

• Action: Stirring → “You stir the spirit into it!”

• Action: Heating → “You warm the soul of it!”

• Action: Filtering → “You strain the sin out of it!”

The Psychology Behind Religious Humor

Religious jokes serve important psychological functions:

Benefits:

• Tension release: A safe way to address serious topics.

• Group bonding: Shared laughter strengthens community connections.

• Perspective shifting: Fresh angles on familiar concepts.

• Processing complexity: Simplifies theological ideas.

It’s been observed that people who can laugh at aspects of their own religious traditions often have both stronger faith and more flexible thinking 5.

Frequently Asked Questions

Where did the original joke come from?
The exact creator is unknown, but it has circulated in Christian communities since at least 2007, spreading through word of mouth and internet culture rather than professional comedy routines. It also appeared in language-learning forums like HiNative, where users discuss its meaning and variations 1.

Are these jokes offensive to religious people?
It depends entirely on the individual. Many religious people enjoy wordplay humor, while others prefer keeping sacred concepts separate from comedy. Context and delivery matter significantly.

How can I tell these jokes respectfully?
Focus on wordplay rather than mockery, be aware of your audience, and present them as celebrating clever connections between everyday language and spiritual concepts.

What makes a religious joke funny versus inappropriate?
Jokes that play with language while respecting underlying beliefs tend to work well, while those that mock sincere faith or believers often cross into offensive territory.

How do you actually make water holy?
In religious practice, holy water is made through a blessing by a priest or religious authority, often including prayer and sometimes salt 5.

References